Dear Future Boyfriend – I May Be, Slightly, Sometimes, Occasionally, a Little Bit… OCD

I’ve never been much of a rule breaker. Except for the occasional speeding, which I partake in each and every time I get behind the wheel of a car, I’m pretty straight laced.  I live and breathe structure, believing that every cause has an effect and every action has a consequence.  Yeah, with such a carefree spirit, I know many of you are wondering how the hell am I single. A question I too have asked myself many times as well. But honestly, I’ve concluded that without life’s structure I’d be a mess… or at least I believe I would be. So, over the years I’ve transitioned that “structure” into a few “daily rules” I need in order to function successfully. Some may label it as OCD and when I say some I mean my mother since she’s been calling me a perfectionist since birth and slightly mocking my need to double and triple check the weather app before leaving the house. Nonetheless, I personally believe since I’ve never been diagnosed as obsessive or received any type of disability compensation for such said “disorder” I’m just going to say I like things a certain way because it helps maintain a balance in the universe. And this is why everything in my life has a place. My toothbrush goes in its holder, the towels on the rack and my Future Boyfriend beside me. See easy. And life is perfect until you decide to put the toothbrush on the counter, the towels over the shower rail and my Future Boyfriend at the bar with some skank who’s telling him he has cute eyes while she’s trying to take shots of Patrón with him. At this point, all hell has broken loose.

If I was to trace back my need for order, I guess it would begin with my childhood. My Nintendo cartridges, CDs and VHS were always arranged by alphabetical order. I told myself it was so I could easily find them. But honestly, I had like 5 games so they weren’t hard to find. When I reached college, I created so many routine rituals I was a serial killer’s dream. Each week like clockwork my schedule ran the same. I got up at the same time. Ate the same meals at the same places at the same time. Went to work at the same time. And studied at the same time, in the same building, at the same desk, with the same snacks… Doritos and Mistic if you’re wondering, with a 2am break for a slice of pepperoni pizza… Yikes reading this back I actually sound like the serial killer.  Don’t most of them have OCD. Umm moving on. As an adult, more rules came into effect.  I can only sleep on the left side of the bed, the labels in the refrigerator have to be turned outward, and my clothing is organized by color and season.  I try to be cool about this whole possible OCD thing, but honestly, I’m kinda not. When things aren’t in their proper place I can’t rest. Don’t believe me, ask my family. I’ve chain texted them for the past 48 hours straight about missing towels because they didn’t return them to their proper place in the closet. And it’s now approaching 72 hours and the towels have yet to reappear.  So, although it’s counterproductive, I must admit I am 30 seconds from setting the house on fire if I don’t find these said towels and put them back in their proper place… Woo Saaa.  Now, I can imagine by reading this my Future Boyfriend is rather intimidated or just plain scared to death. He’s wondering how can he keep a potentially, possible, never diagnosed so not receiving any disability pay person with the similarities of a serial killer happy. And I say let’s not focus on the negative, but instead think of all the benefits to dating a person like me.  Such as: If we move in together, you’ll never have to worry about doing your laundry again. Being that I’m so very particular I refuse to let anyone wash my clothing, but me. Mainly because clothing should be divided into particular groups then washed in a certain order. Not everyone understands this so I’d rather just do it myself.  Also, you’ll never have to worry about being ill prepared on a trip. Before travel I’ve researched the location to get an understanding of what we’ll need to take, checked the weather forecast every day until departure and pack a first aid kit to prevent sickness while away.  It’s kinda like traveling with your mom, except I put out.  Therefore, Future Boyfriend don’t be afraid. There are some upsides to being with a rule creator and follower.  Actually, I imagine dating me would be no different than your past relationships. Well except I’m better and it would work out because I’m better. Oh, and I’d probably kill you if you don’t put things back in its proper place. Not because I would want to, but because I can’t function when things are out of order and it’s most likely the serial killer inside.

xo,

Mix